According to “Saturday Night Live,” the celebrities who auditioned to read “The Woman in Me” included:
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Allison Janney (Heidi Gardner).
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Timothée Chalamet (Fineman again).
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Martin Scorsese (the real Timothée Chalamet, who was the episode’s guest host. He got Scorsese’s motormouth down, but not quite his high pitch or New York accent).
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Steve-O from “Jackass” (Mikey Day).
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John Mulaney (Sarah Sherman).
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Kevin James (Molly Kearney, silently mimicking the recent shrug meme).
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Natasha Lyonne (Fineman once more, who apes Lyonne’s habit of speaking with her hands — there’s a shot of a stuffed ashtray before we see “Natasha” herself, to reflect her tobacco-toned husky voice).
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Fred Schneider from the B-52s (Bowen Yang, who gives a sing-songy line read with maracas).
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Julia Fox (again, Fineman, who nailed Fox’s valley girl by way of NYC demeanor)
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Jada Pinkett Smith (Ego Nwodim, who “accidentally” reads from Jada’s own memoir, “Worthy”).
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Neil DeGrasse Tyson (Kenan Thompson, who mostly wants to meet Britney).
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Werner Herzog (James Austin Johnson, who perfectly enunciates in Herzog’s flat, staccato, German-accented voice while reading about NSYNC).
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Ice Spice (Punkie Johnson, playing the musical guest of this “SNL” season’s premiere).
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Dame Maggie Smith (Chloe Troast, who sorts Britney into Hufflepuff).
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Bill Hader (Michael Longfellow as the “SNL” alum).
No appearance by Michelle Williams, though. The joke of finding the perfect narrator would probably land best if they got Williams herself to appear, rather than an impersonator, and maybe they couldn’t book her.
Of the actors, the best performances belong to Fineman (particularly for her Natasha Lyonne) and Johnson. They may not have been the right pick for “The Woman in Me,” but they were perfect for this sketch.
“Saturday Night Live” airs on NBC, you guessed it, every Saturday. Next week’s episode, airing November 18 at 11:30pm E.T./8:30pm P.T., will feature guest host Jason Momoa and musical guest Tate McRae.